Like most of my 'break-throughs' I realize this is not rocket science; it might as well have been though. It changed the way I looked at people. It changed the way I cared about people. It changed the way I looked at me.
After that statement.....and much soul searching...... I realized that most of the negativity I felt toward others was a result of unreasonable, uninvited, unknown expectations. I imposed expectations on almost everyone in my life that were in direct conflict with who they 'were.' As if that weren't enough - most of them weren't even aware of said expectations. I spent a lot of time frustrated with people, upset with people and disappointed in people.
When I was betrayed, I was hurt. When I felt alone, I thought I had been abandoned. When hurtful things were said behind my back, I was painfully shocked.
Truth be told, it was my fault. All the people that wounded me, showed me clearly who they were at one time or another. I allowed my 'needs' to out-weigh logic and I jumped in to those relationships anyway.
So, I stopped. I stopped blaming others for my misery. I stopped expecting others to behave in ways that aren't 'who they are.'
Almost instantly, I saw everyone differently. I no longer saw anyone through a lens of un-met expectations. I only saw them as they are. I only saw them for who they are.
I was amazed by how many wonderful people are in my journey with me. The people around me, the people in my community, the people close to me, the people not-so-close to me..... amazing people!
I missed it for so long. I couldn't see their amazing-ness through my lens of disappointment. I acknowledge that truth - but I won't rest in it for long - progress doesn't live there. I decided to seek the value in others and hopefully add value to the people that invite me in to their journey.
There were also some that I had to establish as 'arms-length' friends, and that's okay.
Sooo.....I've been working on this for a couple years now - this past couple weeks I had a huge set back. I did it again....
In several pockets of my relationship garden, I allowed expectations to sneak back in. Not only that, I realized that in the face of disappointment and frustration, I have 'been' someone I wouldn't want to be in community with.
I've complained about people; instead of encouraging people. I've been exasperated in needful moments; instead of being open to filling needs. I'm stopping...again.
93. I'm incredibly grateful that every moment is an opportunity to 'turn it around.' And.... turn it around, I will.
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