Life is Messy

What happened to slowing down?  Sanctuary moments?  Beauty hunting?

Ummmm.... apparently I got distracted.

In no less than two days after sanctuary moments confessed,  I was pledging allegiance to my task list again.  I was praying to the traffic gods again.  I was promising myself I'd look for gifts after I got the kids in bed.  I was sneaking in a load of laundry and a sink full of dishes before the kids got up.  I was applying for jobs.  I was making lunches.  I was getting kids to practices.  I was getting kids to soccer games.  I was trying to build three businesses.  And that doesn't even begin to touch my 'behind the scenes footage.' 

Monday morning I felt like I was drowning.  Literally.  My stomach ached.  I couldn't breathe.  My inhaler didn't help.  I wanted to cry.  I wanted my Mom.  I wanted my Dad.  

For the first time, maybe in all my 37 years, I looked for truth and peace in my Creator and Savior first.  I got still.  I got quiet.  And I did it at the lake.  

He leads me beside the still and restful waters. 

For those of you that know this beautifully powerful lake, you know that 'still waters' don't visit very frequently.  For those of you that don't know this beautifully powerful lake, I'm sorry.  Really.

I usually go to Lake Michigan in confident expectation of waves.  The waves remind me that nothing stays the same  for too long.  The waves remind me that no matter how stormy life feels, I am on solid ground.  The waves remind that as long as you're still moving, you're not stuck where you're at.

Today, this lake, was as flat as glass.

Today, the flat, glass - water reminded me that it is easy to get distracted.  It is easy to answer the early morning call of task lists.  It easy to answer the call of worry.  It is easy to answer the call of self-doubt.  Inevitably, those calls lead you to the waves.  Waves are necessary at times.  And although you can find great accomplishment, progress and even fun, you will not find peace in those waves.  

As the mess of life increases, I am looking more for still, restful waters of peace.

And so I begin again.......leaving abusive relationships with task lists, abusive relationships with measuring sticks of expectations, abusive relationships with the high light reels of those around me.

And I begin again.... embracing my behind the scenes footage, embracing beauty in unsuspected places (and some very obvious places), embracing moments as sanctuaries and embracing my messy life.  May we always remember that every moment is an opportunity to begin again.