I lost many holidays, in my not-so-distant past, to hurt feelings, to anxiety, to physical illness and to anger. I may have been physically present, but my brain, my heart, my soul were not.
My heart was wounded. I was lost in my anxiety. I was angry. I was sad. I carried guilt. I was disappointed. I was hurt. I was scared. That was real for me.
Well intention-ed people reminded me to count my blessings and reminded me that I was responsible for much of the hurt I carried. I was reminded that, "I had too much to be thankful for to be so miserable."
So, to you, this holiday season; I just want to say, "I'm sorry you feel alone. I'm sorry you feel like you haven't measured up. I'm sorry you've lost someone dear to you. I'm sorry you have been deeply disappointed. I'm sorry that you're afraid of what the future holds."
These feelings - that are very real - don't go away just because it's the holiday season. In fact, they sometimes seem more real and more heavy and a few shades darker than normal. Hang in there. You're not alone.
Although I may not know you personally, and I may not know the story of your hurt, I want you to know that I love you. I love you as a friend that is familiar with burden. I love you as a friend that is far too familiar with failure. I love you as a friend that has experienced loss.
And I love you too much to leave you there.
I am spending the next few days dedicated to prayer and fasting for a fresh outpouring of hope and healing for you and all of those like us.....
God has been showing me how to surrender my hurt in exchange for joy and how to surrender my anxiety for peace. I pray that for you and for all of those like us.
But for today - I want you to know that it okay to acknowledge your pain. It is okay to acknowledge your emptiness. Go face to face with all that you have been holding under the surface. Give it a name. Remember; you're not alone. I'm right there with you.
When you're ready to surrender your hurt and pain. I will be with you then too. You can always find me here; in the middle of messy journey.
And before you leave this messy entry - I just want to share one bit of encouragement. Every unbearable storm leaves a bit of beauty. I haven't always believed this. I believe it now; even right now, in the middle of my very own storm.
Praying for you and for all of those like us.
Love you, Joanna
