I never listen......

Y'all...........please listen..........don't do as I do.......... do as I say......... Yes.  I just said that.

I have amazing people in my life.  People that love me no matter how badly I screw shit up.  People that love me enough to tell me the truth through affectionate, compassionate, love.  People that show up to sit with me while I try to clean my house - because SQUIRREL!  People that listen and pour a glass a wine.  People that listen and turn on the perfect music.  People that listen and PLAY the best music- just so I can sing harmony.  People that deliberately schedule time to 'hang with me' (when they are an important professional and a mother, and a wife, and a volunteer and a leader of a small women's Bible study group........... you get my point) JUST to see if i am okay.

'Let's get together' she said.
'But you're so busy with important things' i said.
'Bloody Marys' she said.
'yes' i said.

And then she said.............. 'you're not okay.  And that's okay.  And you don't have to tell me - but I just want you to know I'm here.  And I love you.  No mater what.'

What in the actual hell - I thought.  Who in the actual hell does she think she is? I am in the healthiest place I have ever experienced - in. my. life.  Just who in he hell......... does she think she is?  Does she not know?  Has she not heard?  I am the one that bears a penance to be there for everyone; fill all the holes.  I must fix the mistakes in others I had made on my own.  That is my job.

But........ i smiled......... and i listened.......... because.....there has to be a turning point here.  I can't handle another conversation all about the 'ways Joanna went wrong.'  i just can't.  Believe me - I have sat through that conversation a dozen times AT LEAST!  People LOVE to tell me all about how I went wrong AND WHAT I SHOULD BE DOING.

But what to my wondering ears should appear???????

 then............ she also said...... i trust you........ and i love you........ and you are one of the few that will ever know......... but...........

'My heart hurts' she said.... and 'I have this dream'....... and 'I don't think it will happen'......... and 'I'm worried that I disappoint my child' she said.   And 'I am sure my marriage is in trouble' she said.

And then I knew.........I knew exactly who in the actual hell she thought she was.  I knew it clear as day.

She thought she was an actual friend.

And she was.  And she is.

And I was actually in actual physical pain that night #becausecrohns but I leaned in to all of her words anyway.  I wanted to hear her hurts.  I wanted to help her bear the fear of disappointing that child.  And I wanted her to know that I understood the feeling of a marriage in peril.

And then.............. I saw the beauty of friendship emerge.  As I listened....and hurt for her......I opened myself to the idea that I could knock down another wall - and be honest- to a real person - not just to high-light reels on this inter-web.

And we talked.  Boy did we talk?!

And we laughed.  She wasn't looking for me to point out all of the mistakes I have made.  She sought me out because she knew I was a safe place to tell the truth.  Yes....... she also was concerned about me......... and I love her for that............. but she had zero percent judgment and zero suggestions for what I should be doing differently and better and fancier and holier and healthier............ she just had a million intentions of .......'I'm here for you'........and 'It's safe here'............ 'This isn't the same as the friends/family you've endured before.'

If I didn't know better - I would have credited the Bloody Marys  -but that Crohns hurt so bad- I couldn't even finish mine.  #prayformeyall  This was real community - with a REAL friend.  A friend that told the truth and offered compassion and kindness and tenderness and gentleness and all of the Fruits.

And here's the thing............ the more people I meet...........the more I realize.......... this is what we're looking for.  REAL life....... with REAL people that become REAL friends.

We want to be in a community where we don't have to fear being voted off the island because we tell the truth...... or because our feelings are really big one day and they spill over from our insides right out in to the open for everybody to see.

We want to be loved and embraced in to the folds of life whether we're keeping up with the Jones' or not.  Where I live should NEVER impact the way you feel about me.  and vice versa.   The same equation should work for the clothes I wear - the car I drive and the company I keep.

So today - we start the idea of REAL life relationships......... REAL life friends........... and REAL community.  You are invited.  YES!! You!! You are loved.  You are in.......... with the 'in crowd' baby!!!

Here's the thing........... I am sure there will be people that voice their opposition .......... but......... I never listen.  ; )