Today: I give thanks for my mother.... She loved her family to lengths pushed harder and further than she deserved.
I give thanks for my children... the children gifted... to me .... from God.
I give thanks for my baby lost..... opened eyes to the hurt of others I never fully understood and handled so haphazardly.
I give thanks for my friends that boldly blaze through their journey of dreams of motherhood that never came true and for the message God gives them to heal others as they go.
I give thanks for my friends that embrace children not born of their womb... and offer love to them as if they had.
..... but I still grieve.... I still hurt... for most of the things above.
I grieve that I have hurt my Mother in ways I can't ever heal. I grieve the mistakes I've made with my children. I still awaken to cries of a baby I can't console because I lost him. I grieve for children that aren't loved by their biological parents and need the love of surrogate families.
What I feel for my friends.... and even those I don't know... that are experiencing loss of children or loss of family dreams not realized can't be summarized by words.
That being said.... I just realized that honoring and grieving the journey of others' reality can't steal the reality I've been given: nor would they want it to.
My friend Stephanie led me to this summary: We usually get to accept and acknowledge these feelings (above) separately: but not on Mother's Day. These feelings of hurt and joy and gratitude and brokenness all live together - on the same day- at the same time.
And it's true. And they do. And hopefully we learn and love and grow and love more and worry less and trust more and
offer each other grace and kindness if we don't.
My Mom .... and the first to call me Mom. They inspire me to love others more and to beg God to cover my deficiencies with His grace.
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