Enough Already!!!!!

Do you ever get the feeling that someone is trying to tell you something?  More specifically, do you ever feel like God is sending you a message, you don't want to hear?

Everywhere I look lately I am being challenged to step past my boundaries of safety and comfort.  It's this ever present message of:

"Victory only comes when you're willing to do the right thing, with the right heart: even when it feels absolutely wrong."

Today, I heard myself say out loud, "Fine!!!!  I get it!  Enough already!"

Admittedly, I have been more committed to convenience, self-satisfaction and easy-living than I have been to anything else for most of my life.  This confession is not easy, but it's true.  The only thing harder than stating the confession is acknowledging the fruits of my mis-guided faithfulness.  It's not a pretty list.....fruits of: anxiety, paranoia, hurt, anger...

The good news is.... I have been pruning my branches for quite some time now.  It's a slow change, but it's change none the less.  I have discovered freedom in 'getting over myself.'  Loving more.  Giving more.  Caring more.  Forgiving more.  Serving more.

The bad news is...... I'm realizing, I've only just begun the pruning process.  Not only that, but the hardest part of this 'pruning' is happening right now.  It's brutal.  It's uncomfortable.  It's abrasive.

The proverbial straw:

Today, I read an excerpt from a devotional that went something like this: *I've looked all over the world for a translation of the Bible that reads, 'Jesus washed the feet of all  the disciples; except Judas.'  I can't find a translation that reads that way anywhere. 

Did that sound a little like nails on chalk board to you too?  This reference to the way we should love and serve those that hurt us the most stings a bit.  I mean, we're talking about those that betray us, those that ridicule us, those that belittle us, those that would steal our hope and joy just to trade it for 30 shekels of silver.

Ouch!  I was feeling pretty good about myself.  Seriously.  I have forgiven... like really forgiven.  The kind of forgiving that made me feel like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.  The kind of forgiving that made me realize I was hurting myself more than my offender by carrying that weight around.  I mean, REALLY FORGIVING!!

But, here's the thing:  I very rarely go out of my way to kind to the people that have hurt me.  It is even more rare that I seek out an opportunity to serve them in a way that is equivalent to washing feet.

Truth is- this devotional may have been the 'proverbial straw' that broke my camel's back, but God has been sending me this message over and over for several weeks.  "Victory only comes when you're willing to do the right thing, with the right heart: even when it feels absolutely wrong."  So, why do I continue to look for a different message?

Because it would be easier that's why!!!!  Because the high road scares the crap out of me and makes me vulnerable and afraid.  Because I'll have to sacrifice instant gratification for abrasive inner-discord.  Because it isn't fair.  Because it hurts.

But it's time.  It's time to push through. It's time to push on. It's time to push over the walls of safety and convenience. It's time to push in toward a heart of loving people from a place that isn't motivated by agenda or safety.

My head is already fighting this concept with a vengeance, so I need to stop now to let my heart focus on this truth:   I can do all things through Christ and His power within me.  I hear him saying, "Enough already."


*devotional was an excerpt from Max Lucado's book, Just Like Jesus