I have no idea.....

That has been a bit of an issue for me in the past.  Not knowing and uncertainty would lead to paralyzing anxiety.  

Most of my life I had an obsessive need to have a game plan.  Typically there were: several plans..... alternate plans....... even emergency plans..... you know, in case the other Five-hundred-thousand plans failed.    If I knew the plans, then..... I could go directly in to my future of hope, promise and prosperity.

 Right?!?!

I wanted to know what every option meant...how was it all going to work together for good toward this 'future' I am waiting for.  What if..... I travel this road... and my 'future' spontaneously com-busts?  Or.... what if I don't take this road and that is EXACTLY the road that leads directly to this ambiguous, elusive future?

One of the greatest gifts I have received through this journey of change and drawing closer to Jesus over the last two years is 'getting over it.'  I am slowly... more and more... every day.... getting over the need to know the plan...and the back up plan and the emergency plan.....because I don't have to know the plan.  God knows the plan.

I was reminded of this gift in my Jesus Calling* devotionals this week.  

Every minute I spend obsessing about what I should be doing.... how I should be doing it..... when I should be doing it.....  what could happen if I don't do it......I lose the gift of peace for that moment.

Rest and rejuvenation can only come when I am trusting that I am exactly where God intended for me to be in this moment.  When I really meditate on that -  trusting that I am right where I need to be in this moment.....it's amazing what treasures are waiting for me in each and every day.  I'm sure they have always been there.  I am thankful for open eyes to see them now and for the ability to really live and be present in those treasured moments.

A glimpse in to one of today's 'treasured moments'

Those treasures have lead to deeper gratitude, increased joy, extended grace, helping hands and lots of fun and laughing.

Don't misunderstand: I still don't know what tomorrow brings.  I am at a complete and utter loss as to how I will endure raising two pre-teen girls.  It's not clear how hurt will heal.  I have no idea how bills will get paid.  I surely can't imagine how God will weave together all of my mistakes together for good.  I have no idea.....And that's okay.

I know He knows.

Matthew 11:28-29 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls.

Romans 8:28 We are assured that all things work together for good to and for those who love God and are called according to His design and purpose.

*Jesus Calling is written by Sarah Young, published by Thomas Nelson, Inc.