I have confessed before that I am a slower learner than most, and I am. Most times, I consider that a flaw, a short coming, a disability of sorts. Today, though, today my disability was a gift. My slower-than-most learning level led to a heart-bursting realization.
If you have read my blog before, you have seen a glimpse in to the challenge and heart ache of the previous few years. I've offered glimpses in to some of the moments I've gotten it excruciatingly wrong, and there are many more, many worse, that I haven't shared. I've also offered glimpses in to some of my 'pirated' inspiration that has kept me reaching toward to the person I want to be.
1. Romans 8:28 -ALL things work together for good for those that love the Lord and called according to His purpose.
and
2. Ephesians 5:20 - At ALL times and for ALL things give thanks in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God the Father.
Here's what led to my morning moment:
I have been really overwhelmed lately My Crohn's disease is acting up - which means I don't feel well, which means I am not sleeping well, which means I am grumpier than usual and more frustrated than I should be. It is not easy to keep up with the to-do list of 1000 things a day when I am feeling 100%, let alone less than 100%. The overwhelmed-ness accumulates, the increasing degree to which I'm behind on necessary tasks gains momentum, and historically I would run and hide until I 'felt' better. (and for those of you that know me personally, you know this is only one example because it is appropriate for sharing on a blog)
Yesterday, I stopped waiting until I felt better and went head-to-head with my list. It was dreadful. There were 99 items on that list when I was stopped. Making that list, however, made it easier and more efficient to accomplish some necessary tasks. I was able to cross at least 10 tasks off the list instead of allowing them to remain and continue clogging my brain.
Then, I made a plan to cross off another 10 today. And with each moment I felt a bit better.
This morning, in this house, I woke up feeling rested for the first time in a long time. Nothing had changed, really. My house wasn't suddenly everything I wanted it to be. My family hadn't miraculously shown up as elves in the night and finished my to -do list of 93 things (because, of course, some were added between finishing yesterday and beginning today).
But I felt different. I felt better.
Then, in my devotional this morning, I saw that scripture again, about giving thanks at ALL times for ALL things; even to do lists 99 items long? So, I gave thanks for the determination to go head-to-head with a to-do list 99 items long, even though I didn't feel well. And I gave thanks for waking up feeling rested.
Almost instantly, I felt my day heading toward hope and determination instead of overwhelm-ed-ness and anxiety. It was the giving thanks for an 'ALL' things to do list that changed my direction.
So here's the thing..... it occurred to me that I have been counting my gifts wrong. I let that trendy Facebook saying influence my interpretation of that scripture. You know..... 'what if you woke up tomorrow with only the things you thanked God for today.'
I let that phrase shape my scavenger hunt for gifts. I don't think I am a bad person for that. It actually pushed me to consider gratitude for some things and for some people that I would not have otherwise. But...... that's not what that scripture says though.... right? We are to give thinks for ALL things at ALL times. Even for the things we would rather wake up tomorrow without.
When we're hurting and for the things that make us hurt, we are to give thanks. When we are sad and for the things that make us sad, we are to give thanks. When we feel overwhelmed and for the things that overwhelm us, we are to give thanks. That changed things a bit for me.
As if that wasn't enough to meditate on today, when I took our dog Olliver out this morning - I decided to check my email. I had an email from Max Lucado. I get them daily - but I rarely read them. Today I did.
I was still in this moment of savoring the realization that it really IS in giving thanks for ALL things that unclogs the channels of joy.... and I saw a reminder of Romans 8:28, God works ALL things together for good for those love the Lord and called according to His purpose. I have seen the faithfulness of this promise through out my entire life. I cling to it, but honestly, I question the ALL things part more than I care to admit. Will He really work ALL things together for good?
But....wait......what if it's in the giving thanks for ALL things that allows God to work ALL things together for good? Perhaps we clog the channels of 'good' if we are not willing to be thankful first. Could I have let go of the overwhelm-ed-ness and anxiety sooner if I had been willing to be thankful sooner?
Let me be clear - I do NOT believe that God is a with-holding God. I do not believe that He only works things together for good if we give thanks. However, are we able to see and receive the 'good' through the blurred vision of ungratefulness and the clenched fists of worry?
Perhaps not.
I want to revisit my gift counting. I want to do it differently. I want to give thanks for ALL things. Yes, even those things. Those things that hurt. Those things that provoke fear. Those things that create embarrassment. ALL things.
Here's my challenge - for myself - and for you, if you'll join me. Let's start our own joy dare.
You can find the details for the original joy dare, by Ann Voskamp here: Take the joy dare
If we're friends on facebook, you've seen my half-hearted attempts to keep up with these monthly scavenger hunts for gifts. Today I am starting over. Today I'm starting my list at 1. and I am getting all the way in. I'm counting the gifts. I will scavenger hunt for the beauty among the brutal. And I will document the gifts easily seen as blessings along the way.
Want to join me? Do you dare to focus on gifts and reasons to give thanks every day?
You can do this however you like: privately or publicly will affect your joy in the same way. I am going public. I am hoping this will help with accountability and joy-spreading potential. I like to chronicle my gifts a couple different ways - on paper and on camera. It makes a difference though to count them hammer in your gratitude with each number for each gift.
How soon can we each reach #1000gifts? How desperate can we be for the joy found in living fully right where we are at?
If you have an Instagram, or Face Book account, you can hop on board the community of gift seekers originally created by Ann Voskamp in response to her book, One Thousand Gifts, a Dare to Live Fully Right Where You are by adding #joydare or #1000gifts to your photos or status updates. You can also seek what others are counting as gifts by searching those hash tags. It's fun to see what others are counting! I love it!
I'm not stopping there though. If you would like to join me in building our own community, add the hash tag from this blog title #newjoydare on your Instagram photos and Facebook updates or photos. Right now, that hash tag will be exclusively ours! How fun is that? All of the posts will be exclusively for our community of gift counters!!!! I love that idea.
I will also be giving away a $100 Premier Designs gift certificate to one of you that participates after we get to 200 total hash tagged posts. (not including mine) Believe me though, that gift certificate will pale in comparison to the relative growth in the height of your joy to the depth of your gratitude.
A couple ways to keep up on the fun:
1. Like my business page on Facebook- Jeweler Joanna Facebook Page I will be posting daily challenges for the scavenger hunt of gifts here. Please do not feel restricted by these ideas. These are only to help gain momentum in the search.
2. Follow me on Instagram- Joanna Instagram I will be posting my camera captured gifts here.
If you don't use either of those social networking sites, you could also
3. add your gifts collection in comments on this blog. Or any other blogs I compose about gift counting.... I'm sure there will be many.
4. You could also tag me on Twitter, @jomommago, but I'll be honest - I don't understand Twitter. I really don't. I will try to check it though for any of you that use it and want to be included in the drawing for the gift certificate.
Eeeeeeekkkkk!!!!!!! I am SO excited to see gratitude take over my social networking life.
Don't forget - 200 total #newjoydare posts equals a $100 gift certificate for free jewelry to one of you!
Cheers! Here's to making the brutal more beautiful; one thanks-giving moment at a time.
Love you all, Joanna
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